Christmas Frickin Eve Bitches!

Hello ladies! It's been a while. Yes the website has been dead for a while now. I have been super busy and have not had the time to do anything on it (I'm in high demand you know). Anyway, I just stopped in to wish whoever happen to stumble onto this site a Merry Christmas.

I'm here stuck at frickin work. Yay Me! I got here at 6:00am because i had to call someone in South Africa and they are like a million hour ahead. Oh guess what. . . . they did not answer.

I know people have been trying to get a hold of me to do things for them (i.e. Fix computers, make websites, cure cancer), but I really don't have much time these days. My company just got bought by Mcafee so they got me working like a run away slave to impress the suits.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I'm just killing time as I fake work on the fine Christmas eve.

We had a little get together on Saturday. yeah people got shit faced. It was supposed to be just a small thing, but we have so many friends (not bragging) that it turned into a kinda big thing. Anyway, we did a little elephant gift exchange thingy that turned out pretty fun. Good finger foods and plenty of drinks. There are pictures out there, but I didn't take any.

Ok I am bored now

No such thing as "Drama Free"

Well then. Where should I begin?

Hmmmm. . . . So as you know there was a little fiesta thing pop'n off @ the Ranch last night. Not as many people showed up as we thought, but there was still a lot. More importantly, there was hella alcohol in this BeeZee. I mean HELLA! I counted at least 3 or 4 big ass jugs of vodka, a keg of Bud Lite, 4 12's of Corona, and various other hard liquor and beers. Oh yeah and the 5 gallon jungle juice cooler had a jug or two of Bacardi and vodka in it.

Ok so back to the party. I have to tell you, most of the people who came I have never even seen before in my life. A lot of the people where Tony's co-workers and their friends they brought. Which is cool, that's what it's about. As long as we are all here to have a good time, and for the most part that's what we were doing.

Now if you came to the party or you heard about what went down, then I know what you're waiting for me the write about. Well I'm not gonna . . . exactly. All I am gonna say is that some shit pop'd off that should not have. Had my old white neighbor lady coming outside. Rookie cops surveiling my house (big up to my boy Shane for being young, skinny, drunk, & white when the cops are @ the door).

You'll be proud to know that I didn't cut anybody, so that's cool. Most of the incident was a misunderstanding and or could have been handled differently. Other parts did require some sort of knife play, but que sera. Yeah so moral of the story is: There is no such thing as a drama free party.

Anywho I'm tired of writing. Here's a couple pics from the night.

Get your Drunk face Ready

Hello everybody!

I Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that it's party time this Saturday. Oh and just incase, let me drop the info for those who don't know:

Date & Time
Saturday Sept. 1st @ 9:00pm

[There was a map here, but you don't need them shits anymore....YEE!]


That's pretty much it Bitches.

Oh remember 3 very important things.

1. Bring some drinks, cuz you can never have enough!!!

2. Eat before you come, cuz we ain't feedin you drunk bitches!!!

3. I'll cut you if you fuck up my night!!!

See you there :)

End of the Summer Party!!!

That's the business bitches! It's time for another big party @ the Goat Ranch. Act like you know cousin! September 1st is the jump off. What's the party for? . . Who gives sparkly shit, just be there.

Rumor has it, we will have plenty O' beer, music, and a big enough house for the masses. We'll have some hard and mixers, but we do advise you bring your own hard liquor. Cuz that shit goes fast like a nascar, ya unda-dig what I'm talkin bout.

Now If you don't know where the Goat Ranch is located, you bes ask-ed somebodies. Call us, txt us, email us, send a MySpace, throw up the "Bat Signal", do what ya like just be there.

September 1st, that's a Saturday. It's the first Saturday of the month. Make a calender event if you have to. Shit!

Ok now for an important message: First off I would like to say NO DRAMA! Seriously bitches! I will fucking cut you. Don't come unless you coming to party. If you come to fight, I will cut you! If you break something that I have to pay for, you will pay for it, and then I will cut you! If your fat ass runs thru my screen door, I will fucking cut you! Are we pretty much clear? Good!

Moving on, Beautiful ladies! Yeah I'm talkin to you. You are more than welcome to attend in droves! We run an equal opportunity party facility. So if you have an ugly friend, she can come (conditionally) but there will be no grenade jump'n over here playa! If she try'n ta gets lucky, she bes holla to that drunk nigga in the corner and stop look'n at me. Other than that, she will have to sit her ass in the car, or make a sandwich and park them shits on the couch, whiles you handle your business. Speaking of extracurricular activities, if there are any girls that plan on having sex or some sort of sex like act with any resident of the Goat Ranch on that night, please RSVP so we can pencil you in for a block of time. We do not want any overlap if people's feelings are gonna get hurt. . .again.

So to recap:

Sept. 1st - Goat Ranch - Beer, Music, Party - No Drama - Ugly Friends No Love - RSVP - No Worries Mate!

Sprache Yadada!

That Kanye Workout Plan

So as of late (the past month) I've been working out alot. You know, trying ta get swole for the ladies in all. I don't really got a strategy since I never took P.E. weight training, but I've never really been a sloutch, and I pretty much got it covered. I tell you this cuz I think it's a good idea for all you flabby bastards out there to try some physical exercise for a change. Lift weights, ride a bike, join a gym (and go!), walk your fat ass around the block. It's really all about your motivation to better your health and the way you look (to the ladies of course).

I don't care how much you do or how often you do it. Just do something for crying out loud. Also eating healthy is good idea as well. Now I'm not gonna preach carrot sticks and light mayonnaise to anyone. I personally never eat anything that's green if possible. Plus I happen to be blessed with a high metabolism (and rugged man-pretty looks). Ok so all I'm saying is, if not for yourself and your health. . . . Do it for all the sexy ladies out there who you could be dry hump'n on Tuesdays. Now who's coming with me?!

Oh Ladies! don't think I forgot about youz.....

I'm just say'n, just cuz you bought that Tae-Bo VHS tape don't mean Billy Blanks is coming to your house to get your fat ass off the couch. Same rules apply for those without penis's. Get on that expensive ass treadmill that's taking up the whole back room and "west side walk it out" like them young folks be say'n.

Tho I do have an alternative for some of you ladies.......Two words......Stripper Pole.

That's right young'n, go out and get yourself a stripper pole. I'm sure if you already have a man he will get you one in a heartbeat if you ask. Hell he's been waiting for this day his whole life!

Now like with most things in life you have your different options in Poles. Your Built in version, your semi-portable with stage version, and your very portable "see you at my house" version. All very good and all very true to the life style. Also if you wanna make if official for me your dude, you gotta come with the outfit. I'm talk'n shoes and. . . . . what else do stripper have on again? (I kid, I kid) But I digress. Get the shoes and lacey outfit, throw on some stripper parafanilia. Or don't... actually we really don't care. Once you got the pole we are already living the dream. None the less, you will not be sorry and neither will the lucky fella you put it on and take it off for. I don't go to the titty bars myself that much, but if I don't come out smell'n like hooker spit and cigarette butts then someone was not on their A game. Don't let that be you ladies...





Wow! What a turn of events this post has taken.. Mer ha ha ha ha (evil laugh)

MUMM's the word!

It's official folks! Mrs. Suzanne Guzman has taken our very own (Tall) Paul Guzman for better or worse. It was a big day @ the Goat Ranch. Probably the biggest event we have seen so far. The event turned out to be pretty good. At times it seemed like there was no real battle plan, but when it started to roll, things went smoothly. As predicted, the actual wedding part was short and sweet. the real fun ensued when it was time to take the pictures.

There had to be more camera's here then at a Godzilla convention in the middle of Tokyo town. Nobody really knew where to look, but in the end it really didn't matter. From what I could tell the pictures came out cool. Next it was time to get out of the church clothes and get into some various eatables. The wedding was catered by Joe's Buffet, a local shop in downtown Fairfield. They had a pretty tasty spread of roast beef, pasta, salad, and some bread.

Of course after we ate some, They had the champagne toast. Broc was the best man so he gave a little speech. Let me tell you, this guy could have vibrated thru the table he was shaking so bad. I've never seem anything like it. We had to tell him to sit down after his speech, or he was gonna pass out. It was good tho. He was only nervous cuz he cares.

After the money dance, the rest of the night was pretty much the usual. One thing I forgot to mention is the amount of champagne Paul's mom bought. I think everybody was double fisting bottles that night. I think she might have been getting mad that people stopped drinking out of wine glasses. Hey!.......You buy 12 cases of Mumm's, shit's going down. There were so many hammered people off Mumm's it was ridiculous.

The party didn't last too long tho. Most people went home before 12:00 and even the loud and drunk stayed only till around 2:00am.

Anywho! The pictures are up so check those out. Other then that.........

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Paul Guzman

Your one stop shop!

Welp, I finally got some pictures up from Brocaveli's Birthday party at Pepper Belly's. So that's cool. Tom came thru with the shots, so thank him when you see him. I put like 64 of them up, even tho there was more. Whatever yo!

Brandon (you all know Brandon right?) Put a new forum up today. He's been buggin me to do one for like since I made this website. I guess he finally got tired of waitin and made his own. Check it out HERE or copy the link to your browser son. http://somethingtodo.17.forumer.com/

Oh So Paul is getting married (again) on Saturday (07/07/07 - whatever!). Expect some interesting pics from that up soon as well. Yeah this kid is getting hitched at the Goat Ranch, NO SHIT! There is a long and re-dic-u-lass story behind the whole thing, but it's all good in the end I guess. So who's comin anyway? It's gonna be like 104 on Saturday. I don't know, but I know it'll be hot as shit son. Oh my our backyard is not known for it's grassy knowls and shadey tree's. Bring your umbrella kids! All I know is that I'm suited up for like 50-60 minutes MAX! Then back to the civi's and possibly back to my room ($175 broker for a hot ass zoot suite).

The wedding starts at 6:30 prompt so be here on time. I really don't wanna wait around for you ass cousin!