No such thing as "Drama Free"

Well then. Where should I begin?

Hmmmm. . . . So as you know there was a little fiesta thing pop'n off @ the Ranch last night. Not as many people showed up as we thought, but there was still a lot. More importantly, there was hella alcohol in this BeeZee. I mean HELLA! I counted at least 3 or 4 big ass jugs of vodka, a keg of Bud Lite, 4 12's of Corona, and various other hard liquor and beers. Oh yeah and the 5 gallon jungle juice cooler had a jug or two of Bacardi and vodka in it.

Ok so back to the party. I have to tell you, most of the people who came I have never even seen before in my life. A lot of the people where Tony's co-workers and their friends they brought. Which is cool, that's what it's about. As long as we are all here to have a good time, and for the most part that's what we were doing.

Now if you came to the party or you heard about what went down, then I know what you're waiting for me the write about. Well I'm not gonna . . . exactly. All I am gonna say is that some shit pop'd off that should not have. Had my old white neighbor lady coming outside. Rookie cops surveiling my house (big up to my boy Shane for being young, skinny, drunk, & white when the cops are @ the door).

You'll be proud to know that I didn't cut anybody, so that's cool. Most of the incident was a misunderstanding and or could have been handled differently. Other parts did require some sort of knife play, but que sera. Yeah so moral of the story is: There is no such thing as a drama free party.

Anywho I'm tired of writing. Here's a couple pics from the night.

Get your Drunk face Ready

Hello everybody!

I Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that it's party time this Saturday. Oh and just incase, let me drop the info for those who don't know:

Date & Time
Saturday Sept. 1st @ 9:00pm

[There was a map here, but you don't need them shits anymore....YEE!]


That's pretty much it Bitches.

Oh remember 3 very important things.

1. Bring some drinks, cuz you can never have enough!!!

2. Eat before you come, cuz we ain't feedin you drunk bitches!!!

3. I'll cut you if you fuck up my night!!!

See you there :)

End of the Summer Party!!!

That's the business bitches! It's time for another big party @ the Goat Ranch. Act like you know cousin! September 1st is the jump off. What's the party for? . . Who gives sparkly shit, just be there.

Rumor has it, we will have plenty O' beer, music, and a big enough house for the masses. We'll have some hard and mixers, but we do advise you bring your own hard liquor. Cuz that shit goes fast like a nascar, ya unda-dig what I'm talkin bout.

Now If you don't know where the Goat Ranch is located, you bes ask-ed somebodies. Call us, txt us, email us, send a MySpace, throw up the "Bat Signal", do what ya like just be there.

September 1st, that's a Saturday. It's the first Saturday of the month. Make a calender event if you have to. Shit!

Ok now for an important message: First off I would like to say NO DRAMA! Seriously bitches! I will fucking cut you. Don't come unless you coming to party. If you come to fight, I will cut you! If you break something that I have to pay for, you will pay for it, and then I will cut you! If your fat ass runs thru my screen door, I will fucking cut you! Are we pretty much clear? Good!

Moving on, Beautiful ladies! Yeah I'm talkin to you. You are more than welcome to attend in droves! We run an equal opportunity party facility. So if you have an ugly friend, she can come (conditionally) but there will be no grenade jump'n over here playa! If she try'n ta gets lucky, she bes holla to that drunk nigga in the corner and stop look'n at me. Other than that, she will have to sit her ass in the car, or make a sandwich and park them shits on the couch, whiles you handle your business. Speaking of extracurricular activities, if there are any girls that plan on having sex or some sort of sex like act with any resident of the Goat Ranch on that night, please RSVP so we can pencil you in for a block of time. We do not want any overlap if people's feelings are gonna get hurt. . .again.

So to recap:

Sept. 1st - Goat Ranch - Beer, Music, Party - No Drama - Ugly Friends No Love - RSVP - No Worries Mate!

Sprache Yadada!

MUMM's the word!

It's official folks! Mrs. Suzanne Guzman has taken our very own (Tall) Paul Guzman for better or worse. It was a big day @ the Goat Ranch. Probably the biggest event we have seen so far. The event turned out to be pretty good. At times it seemed like there was no real battle plan, but when it started to roll, things went smoothly. As predicted, the actual wedding part was short and sweet. the real fun ensued when it was time to take the pictures.

There had to be more camera's here then at a Godzilla convention in the middle of Tokyo town. Nobody really knew where to look, but in the end it really didn't matter. From what I could tell the pictures came out cool. Next it was time to get out of the church clothes and get into some various eatables. The wedding was catered by Joe's Buffet, a local shop in downtown Fairfield. They had a pretty tasty spread of roast beef, pasta, salad, and some bread.

Of course after we ate some, They had the champagne toast. Broc was the best man so he gave a little speech. Let me tell you, this guy could have vibrated thru the table he was shaking so bad. I've never seem anything like it. We had to tell him to sit down after his speech, or he was gonna pass out. It was good tho. He was only nervous cuz he cares.

After the money dance, the rest of the night was pretty much the usual. One thing I forgot to mention is the amount of champagne Paul's mom bought. I think everybody was double fisting bottles that night. I think she might have been getting mad that people stopped drinking out of wine glasses. Hey!.......You buy 12 cases of Mumm's, shit's going down. There were so many hammered people off Mumm's it was ridiculous.

The party didn't last too long tho. Most people went home before 12:00 and even the loud and drunk stayed only till around 2:00am.

Anywho! The pictures are up so check those out. Other then that.........

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Paul Guzman

Your one stop shop!

Welp, I finally got some pictures up from Brocaveli's Birthday party at Pepper Belly's. So that's cool. Tom came thru with the shots, so thank him when you see him. I put like 64 of them up, even tho there was more. Whatever yo!

Brandon (you all know Brandon right?) Put a new forum up today. He's been buggin me to do one for like since I made this website. I guess he finally got tired of waitin and made his own. Check it out HERE or copy the link to your browser son. http://somethingtodo.17.forumer.com/

Oh So Paul is getting married (again) on Saturday (07/07/07 - whatever!). Expect some interesting pics from that up soon as well. Yeah this kid is getting hitched at the Goat Ranch, NO SHIT! There is a long and re-dic-u-lass story behind the whole thing, but it's all good in the end I guess. So who's comin anyway? It's gonna be like 104 on Saturday. I don't know, but I know it'll be hot as shit son. Oh my our backyard is not known for it's grassy knowls and shadey tree's. Bring your umbrella kids! All I know is that I'm suited up for like 50-60 minutes MAX! Then back to the civi's and possibly back to my room ($175 broker for a hot ass zoot suite).

The wedding starts at 6:30 prompt so be here on time. I really don't wanna wait around for you ass cousin!

Lisa Lisa & the Party Bus

For those of you not in the know, it was little Lisa's 21st Birthday This past week. So to kick it off proper like, she got herself a Party Bus and went to the club. I being your faithful report had to go to ah. . make sure shit when down official!

So we all met at Biv and Karina's house in the V-a-l-l-e-j-o for a little pre pre drinking to get us warmed up for the bus (which would get us warmed up for the club). So the bus itself was charging $45 $50 ducks a pop just ta get a seat so I hope you brought your wallet bitches! After everyone gathered up and the bus arrived, we proceeded to gitty-up to the "Glas Kat Supper Club". I'm pretty sure that's were we went. You see the problem was, the bus had the lights on inside. So once we got on, we didn't see shit outside till we landed. The Bus itself had free beer and some hard, so that was cool since the club drinks were crazy alot.

So now we're at the club, crazy deep. I mean everybody she knew came to this bitch (the Verizon fucking network was there). Seriously even her Mom and Dad came with. Which was cool cuz Momma Kath is down, and Sam is all kinds a Mexican fun. He even rolled with some of his crew. The club itself was pretty nice. As soon as you walk-in there was a bar and a smoking room (it even came with a girl giving away free KOOL's). Fucking Death Dealer!!!

Not to long after we arrived, the club started to get packed. Biv and Tone decided we needed a VIP booth. $200 dollars later we were knee deep in Grey Goose and had our own section at the club. Right on the dance floor I might add.

There's really not a lot more to tell about the club, mostly cuz I don't remember. Well let me sum it up for you:

Bus was expensive - Bus was fun
Club drinks were expensive - Already drunk anyway
Booth was expensive, Booth was clutch
Club was packed - Not enough talent for a show, but enough to go around
Bo almost fought - Dre almost fell on his ass!
Ride home was a blur - Pizza and soda, Kath called the dinosaurs

Welp that pretty much wraps up the night. I'm pretty sure everyone has their own little stories, but tell them on your own website!! New pics in the photo gallery, please take what you want for your Myspace.

(This is why I'm Hott!!)

Weekend Update - Fights and Football

I'm not gonna recap the UFC fight on Saturday or the Super Bowl game on Sunday. I'll leave that to the sports guys. Well ok just a little. . . The fights sucked, and the game was tragic.

Now for the weekend.

A few of us went down to Trigg's shanty house to watch the fight, cuz he up and got himself a 56" HD DLP TV.

(crappy cable company up and broke the only PPV cannel with the fight on. Is that a baby?)
Paul came thru pretty "D" with the all the fixn's so that was cool. Chips, dips, ribs, potatoe salad, the usual goods at a fight and feast.

(Paul in the cooking nook making Crown and Coke)
And that was Saturday...Now for Sunday

First off we had to get up early to move the house around and get the projector setup. While doing that, we found out that the projector that we borrowed from Broccoli had HD hook-ups(Oh hell yes!!)

(I don't think you understand. . .)

(The whole wall is HD my friends, just ask Tony)

So the TV is dialed. As we watched a little "Ninja Warrior" and "Street Fury" Tony proceeded to cook up the goods. Polish dogs, bratwurst, meatballs for sandwiches, various beers, we are no joke when it comes to food time. Other people brought plenty of sides and more beer of course. All in all the day was good. We had the fooseball table getting heavely sessionsed as usual. Got a little betting squares action for the big game (that's 15 bucks down the shitter).

Here's a quick pic of the game. It's a little blurry, cuz the flash made the screen disappear. I'll put a few more pics up in the gallery later.

DA BEARS. . . lost!

Super Bowl...more like Super Bitches!!!

So, this being my first post, I thought I should start off slow. I'll save the world, and give the answers to everyone's most penetrating questions next time. So for now....Super Bowl!!

On Sunday, Febuary 4th, The Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts will meet in Miami for Super Bowl XLI. Now I'm not a fan of either of these teams, but I'd like to see the Colts take it to the Bears, just to spite Broc!! You say GO COLTS, I say HELL YES!!

More important than the actual game, will of course be the shindig we have going on, right here, at The Goat Ranch. We're gonna be puting the game on the projector, so we can get that good 80 inch football action. Plenty of beer, food and I'm sure a shitload of people playing the good ol' BF2142. Thats what Sunday's are all about!!

Oh yeah...one last thing about the Super Bowl...i don't wanna see these punk-ass, spoiled rotten, sharpy using, Patrick Swayze dancing, football players dancing evertime they do their job on the field. That shit gets old. Bitches!!!!

Speaking of bitches, I wanna touch on a subject close to my heart. Breasts. Boobies. Titties. Bags of Sand. While I'm more of an ass man, I do respect the funbags quite a bit. I do however take issue with certain types of breasts. The first one is the "long" breast. When a woman takes her shirt off, and the only thing you can say is, "Damn girl, you got some long ass titties.", that ain't right. Oh, and what is up with those chicks with the inch and a half long nipples?? Are you kidding me?! Makes a man feel almost gay sucking on those things. Tickles the backe of your throat!! Yuck! The last thing is areolas. For you amateurs, and areola is the area surrounding the nipple. It is highly sensitive, and can be quite erotic. When it IS NOT erotic, is when the areola is bigger than the rest of the breast. Good lord that's a big areola. You ever been messing with a girl, and have a chopper try and land on the areaola?? That's some crazy shit!

So to summerize, the three B's are...Super Bowl, Bitches and Boobies. On that note, I will take my leave. Stay tuned for our next episode. The Lazy One...Out!

A New Year for a whole new set of sins!

Welp, The new year is here. Did any of you make a resolution? Not me. . I try not to make promises I can't keep.

So most of the people who are gonna read this were at the New Years party so I'll try to keep this as short as possible. The original plan was to have a party here at the Goat Ranch (the house Tony, Bake, and I live in). Well tragically a friend of ours was having a party for the new year as well, and Biv had already committed the crew to attend. So in short we tentatively cancelled the party at our house. So we packed up the crew with intentions of checking out this other party and then possibly coming back to our house if it wasn't pop'n.

Not to get into too much detail, but we came back to our house to ring in the New Year. Since we came to the other party like 5 or six cars deep, we already had the fix en’s to resurrect our cancelled party. Jimmy decided to invite everybody he knew, so uh. . that was cool. Not to mention a good percent of the women in the house were lesbianas. Let me tell you, there is not a single entity louder then a gaggle of squawking lesbian black girls.

All in all the party was pretty dece considering that it was cancelled. Everybody and their mother had a digital camera, so there are plenty of pictures floating around out there. The newly acquired foosball table got heavily sessioned last night. Other things that got sessioned: lots of alcohol, all major brands of cigarettes, Gay Myspace, Ozzie's relationship, and so on. Here's some pics. I'll put more in the gallery section later. My camera alone took over 90 pics.


A few starter beers in the back yard!


Happy New Year Shots


They are get'n down to the get down!

And now for a quick game of Guess the Breasts!

Let's go Pa, we got ourselves a Colored!

So that about wraps up 2006. The year was pretty good I guess. I hope everbody has big plans for this year. Well that's it for me. (Happy Birthday AJ. & before I forget, Gay Waldo called. He found you and he wants his shirt back.)

DINGS! - The Crappiest Bar on 4 wheels

So ah... Pauls getting married again.

That's right kids Paul aka "Trigg" is getting hitched one-mo-gin. But wait. . . That's not even why I gathered you all here today. So Paul calls the crew and tells us to meet him at his favorite hole in the Devil's tighty whiteys, "DING'S". The bar where everbody know your "Brocs" name. This is where he is going to give her the ring, her being Suzanne "(his lovely wifey to be). So instead of taking her to some place romantic, (and you all know I'm not big on the romance, but come the fuck on..) he invites us all for drinks at Ding's .

Their are two things you should know about me and "Ding's":
1. I hate Ding's. No disrespect to Mrs. Ding, but that place is a dive.
2. Ok make that one thing you need to know.

His philosophy on why of all places Ding's was they met at Ding's. So I ask ( we all ask), is the anniversary gonna be and Ding's? Is the reception gonna be at Ding's? Did you conceive you first kid at Ding's? If your kid was a boy you were gonna name him Broc (God knows why), but if it was a girl was her name gonna be Ding?

Ok I'm done. here are a few pics of the night. Keep in mind I left early (see rule number 1.)


Here's the crew in the smoking section of Ding's (yay!)



Paulito giving his "you all know me. . I love this girl " speech



Everything said, I hope they stay together for a long time.

It's fucking Ding's Paul.....
You should hook Ding's to your mobile home and take it everywhere you go.


On to the important stuff.

Has anyone seen the new Fanstastic 4 preview? Now the first movie sucked ass (save Jessica Alba of course), but this one looks like it has potential. Why you ask. I will tell you. . . "Silver mutha fucking Surfer". That is really all I have to say about the preview. Click the pic for the trailer. I'm giving you the option of how you wanna watch it. ( Real G's choose HD)


Dick in a Box

On the Eve of Christmas Eve

First off, let me start by saying happy holidays to all. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, lets get down to business.

Last night we had a little Christmas eve eve dinner party type deal thingy of sorts at the Ol' Goat Ranch. Just a few people over with nothing better to do, eating dinner and exchanging gifts. Speaking of gifts, Biv got himself a very special present from his sisters.

That's right Bitch!!! A fucking "Onesy". Click the picture for better view. According to Biv he can now role right out of bed and straight to the computer for some Battlefield action. One fell swoop!

I can't stop laughing. But seriously, what lady doesn't want to snuggle up with a grown man in a onesy?

All in all it was a pretty good night. We had 3 PC's setup playing BF2142 in heavy rotation (and I'm not just sayng that cuz BP Yam Yots was on the sticks). A few of the boys were getting a taste of the action for the first time. Ah to have that noob feeling again. Like a new born baby sucking its mom's teet.
Later we sat down for some good eats. Keep in mind, the whole time we were steady drinking the beers, and various other alcholic provisions.


And that is when the game of "Drop" came into play. You see "Drop" is not a drinking game. That is what "Circle of Death" is for. No my friends "Drop" is drunk game.


Tony plugs up his bloody nose courtesy of "Drop"

Before I wrap it up, I forgot two things:

I added a new video I know you will enjoy.


and secondly, this little treasure

Shells & Trails

In case you didn't know, ADIDAS inked a deal with the NBA. I was browsing for some new kicks when I came by these. CLICK HERE! Dope huh! Yes Sir, Now you can sport your favorite ball club on a pimp pair of shells. Word!

Other note: Went to the trails on sunday with some of the ride'n crew


Jimmy and Brandon working on the trails


Look at Brandons hair


We also checked out the trails down the street - not bad


Then Brandon ate a "Double Double"

Last but not least, We are having a New Years party here at the Goat Ranch. Well maybe. It seems their is another party on the same day (imagine that!). Mr. Biv was supposed to tell us about it a few weeks ago, but neglected to (thanks bro). Anyway I will let you know for sure what the deal is. Here is the flyer anywho.

Click for the full monty

Pieces home-A

This weekend

As you can see this is still a major work in progress. I've managed to get my blog part pretty dialed, so after I get the colors right I will get the other pages working.

In BMX news. The Mountain Dew actions sports tour was in San Jose this weekend (I missed it of course). Scotty Cramner won "Park" and Jamie Bestwick won "Vert". Not sure who won "Dirt" but I think it was an Aussie. **Note(The Aussie in question was Ryan Guettler)

In Drunk news. I had a few drinks last night and woke up with a kick ass headache and 2 blondes in my bed. Just kidding, I really didn't have a headache.

Stay Classy!