Christmas Frickin Eve Bitches!

Hello ladies! It's been a while. Yes the website has been dead for a while now. I have been super busy and have not had the time to do anything on it (I'm in high demand you know). Anyway, I just stopped in to wish whoever happen to stumble onto this site a Merry Christmas.

I'm here stuck at frickin work. Yay Me! I got here at 6:00am because i had to call someone in South Africa and they are like a million hour ahead. Oh guess what. . . . they did not answer.

I know people have been trying to get a hold of me to do things for them (i.e. Fix computers, make websites, cure cancer), but I really don't have much time these days. My company just got bought by Mcafee so they got me working like a run away slave to impress the suits.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I'm just killing time as I fake work on the fine Christmas eve.

We had a little get together on Saturday. yeah people got shit faced. It was supposed to be just a small thing, but we have so many friends (not bragging) that it turned into a kinda big thing. Anyway, we did a little elephant gift exchange thingy that turned out pretty fun. Good finger foods and plenty of drinks. There are pictures out there, but I didn't take any.

Ok I am bored now

So uh... That's Cool

Here is some random filler crap for you bastards out there. Just some good old fun for the kids. I gotta lot of projects working right now, so you will have to excuse me while I say fuck off.

So Your home girl Britney, got some new hair... So uh...that's cool. She doesn't have the worst weave ever, but it's damn close. Like second place close. Welp at least she ain't bald.

Mischa Barton from THE O.C. tv show fame, slips a nip getting out of a car one fine night... So uh... that's cool. I know some kids out there like her, but she's really not my cup o tea. TAKE ME TO THE NIPS

I know you've already heard that Paris "Skank Bank" Hilton got a reduced sentence from the judge the other day. So uh... 23 out a 45 huh.... that's cool.

I wanna have relations with Lucy Liu


Oh get this crap!! Kim Kardashian might get her own reality show. Apparently she's in talks to get a show about herself and her stupid rich family. The rich keep getting richer. So uh...

So Cam'Ron and 50 Cent are beef'n yo! Check out this video of Cam talking crap about Fiddy (yeah I said it) while on vacation. What you can't wait till you get home to talk shit. Gotta send a Taliban tape!

[I HAD A VIDEO BUT IT WAS PULLED FROM THE NET]


Here are a few YouTube links from 50 and Cam:
50 Cent - Camron Diss- funeral music
Cam'ron Official 'Curtis' video (50 Cent Diss)
The Angie Martinez Show-50 Cent on the phone with Cam'ron

Did you watch the Soprano's when Tony had sex with that hot pothead chick. So uh... Her name is Sarah Shahi and if you care click HERE

This is not your mothers MMA... OR is it? ULTIMATE SURRENDER

Gay Robot

Just incase you were wondering, I'm having some trouble getting the latest Blog page to show up my home page. It has something to do with the crappy way Blogger generates its RSS feeds. That scrolling ticker you see with new movies and crap are all done the same way, but for some piece of shit reason my RSS likes to stop working (BASTARD!!). I should have it fixed soon.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I know you've all seen the movie "Grandma's Boy". If not go out and buy the sum bitch! Anyway remember the dude who plays "Jeff" (or better yet the dude who lives with his parents and sleeps in ah onesy)? His name is Nick Swardson and he is fucking hilarious. You may have seen him in "Benchwarmers" as the dude who was afraid of sunlight, or in "Reno 911" as "Terry" the gay dude.

Well the reason I bring him up is the fact that he made this TV show pilot about a Gay Robot who lives on a college campus. The pilot is totally fake, but the show is like 15-20 minutes long. It's not new, so you may have already seen it. The only reason I bring it up is because I seen it on Myspace and I totally forgot how funny it was. Check it out.

And There You Have It

Guten Tag all!

Did you see that UFC fight? WT fucking F Mate! (I guess the "F" already stood for fuck). Anyways, why did Jean Claude Georges St. Pierre get beat like that by Matt Serra? I like both fighters and they are both really good MMA fighters, but I expected more from St. Pierre. I guess that is what happens in real life. It's not always a Rocky movie. Oh did you see that poor excuse for an undercard fight with those two pricks Diego Sanchez and Josh Koscheck? That fight was such the crap whole. Kos landed like 12 punches and Diego landed like -3. Finally the dance went to Koscheck by decision of course.

You wanna know who can kick all there asses?...... Joey the Karate Master. Here is a clip of him in action. Peep Game Son!

Damn You Geico!

In case you haven't heard, they are making a sitcom of those funny prehistoric cavemen from the Geico commercials. Way to ruin a good thing ABC & Geico. I must say those commercials are the best. The problem I have is that there is no way this sitcom will be good.
Seriously, a fucking weekly show about cavemen. . . I can hear the canned laughter now!
NEVER GONNA LAST!

Where's Chuck Norris when You need him?

What What (In the Butt)

Before Llama sneaks in the latest "Tahoe Trip" review, I wanted to post a quick somethin somethin.

I know by now everyone has seen bald ass Britney Spears, but once is not enough. A lot of questions have been raised about why she shaved her head. If you wanted to know the truth, all you need to do was come to the Goat. Britney has been thru some tough times. First Justin and her broke up (tears), then She got married for all of 60 seconds or something like that to that one guy, then she got married again to K-Fed, and then they got divorced. Not only is Kevi Kev giving her a hard time, but did you see the shots of her battered and bruised platypus? Think about it. She went from the great Britney "Im a hot ass virgin" Spears, to Hollywood train wreck. Of course the new dew it's a shocker at first. But look at Natalie Portman or Sigourney Weaver. Sure they did it for movie roles and not cuz they just got out of rehab, but no ones offering Britney anymore movies since she shitted on the last one. long story short, I'd still give it to her. She's fucking Britney Spears!

On to the next piece of news or should I say whole damn pie. Those crazy cats from the show Reno 911 are coming out with a movie. Check out the trailer, fucking hilarious. What's not hilarous is Niecy Nash's ass! HOLLY CRAP. Here is a picture from the "Reno 911 Miami" LA premiere.

Now being black myself, I'm pretty familiar with big assed women (Not big women persay, but women with large hindquarters). But this shit is not necessary.

Moving on. . . I found this picture over on the interweb and thought everyone needed to see it. Before you say it's a fake, click on the picture to get a closer shot. I am probably one of the few people out their who don't like Beyonce. Don't get me wrong I'd still give it to her (and she'd like it), but she just gets on my last nerves. All that money and she can't get a good weave and a wax. Come on now. Her mustache is bigger then Jay-Z's.

So by know your probably wondering why the title of this post is what it is. Well this is why:

(note: if you watch this video and don't laugh, God hates you)

Bout Damn Time!

Hello Everbody! It's been a minute since we last posted on the site. You'd think with 6 people somebody would have something to say. Whatever. So I scowered the interweb thru the endless blogs and porn, to find some tib-bits to keep you chill-ren coming back for more. (says "Thank you Ninja")

Lets start things off with a little Joe Rogan. You know who he is right? The host of T.V.'s Fear Factor. The in no-way out of place "Color Commentator" of the Untimate Fighting Championship. The roving stand up comedian? Well good O'l Joe after finishing his set @ the Comedy Store, decided to call out fellow comedian and sit-com mexican Carlos Mencia. It seems some people think Carlos has been building his success off of stolen jokes. I'll let Joe tell you the rest of the story. Watch the video and then read what Joe has to say about the matter. Video - Joe's Side of things

Next we have a little something for the fellas. You ever wonder why that hot ass breezy never wanted to give you the time of the day (let alone sleep with you)? I'll tell you why, YOUR SHITS WEAK SON!!! Wizeak! Welp I'm here ta help you out. Well not me personally, but here's the top 7 "most effective pheromes" from PheromoneReviewSite.com. The picture on the left is a brand called "Pherlure Cologne". Their shits supposed to just have ladies on tilt, ready to kill a brother ta get some penis. YADA DI MEEN! (Ah if you get that two pack, brake me off son!)

Now for the ladies. Did your man try and give you his "Dick in a Box" for Valentines's day? Now for some reason did that box look empty when you opened it? Well that sucks, but hey at least he tried. Next time why don't you try a little harder and give him something special from the heart. Like your "Boobs in a Box". But please for the love of all things porn, do a better job then these two scally wags!! I honestly could not watch the whole video (Tell me how it turned out). If your not into Boobs (who's not into boobs?), you might wanna try (and I don't know how this works) giving the gift that keeps on giving. Your "Box in a Box"! Someone tell me why this chick is even getting 5 of her 15 minutes of fame.

Oh here's something that's fucking sweet like your mothers teet! A fucking Horse Head Pillow!!! Tell me that's not dope. Something else that's pretty cool for you people who went all ape shit for the Apple iPhone, LG and Prada just went major with a collabo phone called the KE850 Prada
Click here for the story from Engadget.com

Alrighty ladies I'm out for nah!
(The only thing we can agree on is that I'm good looking)

Once again, "THE MAN", is tryin to bring the brotha's down!!!

Well, here we go with yet another twisted theory from me, "The Lazy One".

If anyone out there is a cigarette smoker, like myself, you might have heard that cigarettes are now being made with a paper that goes out if not hit in a timely fashion. This is to prevent people from burning all of their worldly possesions to ground, if they fall asleep with a tasty treat lit. Now being a Newport smoker, I took a look at my box of 20 cancer sticks, and noticed that it doesnt have the little black line, showing that they are made with the new paper. What the hell!! Some of my collegues and I have come to this conclusion: George Bush hates black people! Yep. Turns out Kanye was right. This is nothing more than a plot between the government and big tobacco, to rid the world of as many African Americans as possible. Hit em' where it hurts...tasty Newport pleasure. Damn them!!

On other topics....

The Super Bowl turned out to be just that...SUPER...until the 3rd quarter. After the pathetic halftime show by Prince, I mean, uh...is that still his name? I don't know. Anyway, after that Greek tragedy of a half time performance, the Bears decided to follow suit, and shit the bed as well. Terrible throws, terrible defense. Just frickin' terrible! Well at least I got nice and drunk! The only way to fly my friends!

One final note. I used to go to dump.com all the time, to get my funny video fix. Funny videos, fight videos, and just plain cool shit. They recently had a format change, and now it is strictly porn. Now, I don't have a problem with porn, but there are 40 billion other porn sites available, and taking away my video source just pisses me off. Where the fuck am I supposed to see the new Kimbo fight?? I guess I'll just drag my sorry ass over to you tube, or metcafe, but going to Dump was so much cooler. If I catch the punk-ass motherfucker that changed the format, I will beat him like Kimbo beats everyone. Ya heard!!

The Lazy One....OUT!!!

Weekend Update - Fights and Football

I'm not gonna recap the UFC fight on Saturday or the Super Bowl game on Sunday. I'll leave that to the sports guys. Well ok just a little. . . The fights sucked, and the game was tragic.

Now for the weekend.

A few of us went down to Trigg's shanty house to watch the fight, cuz he up and got himself a 56" HD DLP TV.

(crappy cable company up and broke the only PPV cannel with the fight on. Is that a baby?)
Paul came thru pretty "D" with the all the fixn's so that was cool. Chips, dips, ribs, potatoe salad, the usual goods at a fight and feast.

(Paul in the cooking nook making Crown and Coke)
And that was Saturday...Now for Sunday

First off we had to get up early to move the house around and get the projector setup. While doing that, we found out that the projector that we borrowed from Broccoli had HD hook-ups(Oh hell yes!!)

(I don't think you understand. . .)

(The whole wall is HD my friends, just ask Tony)

So the TV is dialed. As we watched a little "Ninja Warrior" and "Street Fury" Tony proceeded to cook up the goods. Polish dogs, bratwurst, meatballs for sandwiches, various beers, we are no joke when it comes to food time. Other people brought plenty of sides and more beer of course. All in all the day was good. We had the fooseball table getting heavely sessionsed as usual. Got a little betting squares action for the big game (that's 15 bucks down the shitter).

Here's a quick pic of the game. It's a little blurry, cuz the flash made the screen disappear. I'll put a few more pics up in the gallery later.

DA BEARS. . . lost!

Holy Master Shake!!!!!!!

If you have ever seen Aqua Teen Hunger Force then you know what a "mooninite" is. If not, then stop reading this right now and go turn on your tv.

Well my ninjas (and pirates), the mooninites have put Boston in a state of emergency. The marketing firm that promotes ATHF placed blinking lights, not very different than a Lite-Brite, around Boston and nine other cities. The company states that these lights have been up for two or three weeks. Apparently some Bostonians that saw these thought they were bombs.

I don't know about you but I never thought of a Lite-Brite as a weapon of mass destruction. These "dangerous" lights made them close bridges and subways around Boston. These people must flip the fuck out during christmas.

The craziest part of this whole situation is that Boston Mayor Thomas Menino is going to seek to punish those responsible for this "terrible" crime. Which could lead to some people doing 2 to 5 years in prison. OVER BLINKING FUCKING LIGHTS!!!!!!

Hey, Mayor Menino (say that 10x fast, I'm joking don't do it idiot) why don't you leave the cartoonists alone and punish the people that need to be punished. Like those little kids with the blinking lights on their shoes. Better yet, arrest the parents of those kids for thinking its ok for the kids to wear them in movie theaters. I'm just saying, its starting to get annoying. Everytime I go to the movies to enjoy a cinematic adventure, I always end up sitting next to the kid that can't sit still if his life depended on it,(oh, and it does my friends, it does) kicking the chair in front of him. With every kick those fucking shoes start to flash in the corner of my eye. Next thing I know, I'm on the fucking ground have a seizure.

So, to all of you ass clowns that are thinking to yourself "we're gonna win this war on terror", think about this. People are so terrified that everyone is out to get them and terrorists are going to strike any second, an entire city was brought to a standstill by this...................

MONKEY........OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 Un-Related Things 2 Look @

Let me start off with letting all you Hyphy kids know were you can cop a pair of authentic "Stunna Shades". How about StunnaShadez.net. That's right breezy, The Federation has hooked up with whoever to sell you official Yay Area Stunnaz. The site needs a little work and a pair will cost you like $50.00, but it might be hard to find good stunnaz in the Mid-West.

Next we have the "Celebrity Boob" of the whenever I put it on the site. Today I bring you Rosario Dawson from the crappy movie "Alexander"

(She looks a little mean)
2 down 2 ta go. Lets see. . . Oh for you gamers out there who want to upgrade to the new MS Vista, think again. The folks over at PC Perspective did a review on ATI and NVIDIA upgraded Vista drivers and how they perform unda pressure. Check it out HERE. If you don't wanna read I'll tell you how it ends. (Spoiler!!) They basically said if your a gamer wait until they get their Vista driver shit down before converting your OS. But if you just gotta get the new Vista, ATI is the Card to have at the moment.

Ok and now the big finish. . . drum roll please. . . . Watch this clip

Your Black Son. (Two fingers to the wind! BZ)

As You Can See

I've been steadily updating the site with new shit (Do ya like my new start page?). Any who, someone requested a forum type deal so folks could write shit. I am actually trying to make an upload section so people can upload their own photos as well.

Did you see the RSS feed I put on the left of the homepage? I really couldn't figure out what to feed into my site, so I put some random shit. Game news, BMX news, and oh yeah..Asian Hooker news. I'm going to put some sports news and some Rap news as well.

Incase you haven't noticed the photo galleries and the video section change colors every time you visit the pages. that reminds me. You will need the latest QuickTime to view any QuickTime videos on this site. Your Windows Media Player should be good for the rest.

Ok so I have decided to have a recurring section to the website. I call it "CELEBRITY BOOB OF THE WEEK" or maybe bi-week I haven't decided yet. That Tara Reid boob got me thinking "People like boobs, but I want to keep the website classy". So that's what's up.

Also, if your wondering why Judging Monkey has not written anything yet..So am I. He is supposed to be my Hate columnist. You know the guy who give a negative opinion about everything. That's why I hired him. He's good at that sort of stuff, believe me.

I would like to get some more people to write on this site for me. I need a Music person, a Movie person, well anybody really. Just as long as you limit all your posts to one genre. That leaves space for other people to post about shit.

Oh yeah, I would speak on "Flavor of Love", but I'll wait till next week and the reunion special.

Seacrest OUT!

This weekend

As you can see this is still a major work in progress. I've managed to get my blog part pretty dialed, so after I get the colors right I will get the other pages working.

In BMX news. The Mountain Dew actions sports tour was in San Jose this weekend (I missed it of course). Scotty Cramner won "Park" and Jamie Bestwick won "Vert". Not sure who won "Dirt" but I think it was an Aussie. **Note(The Aussie in question was Ryan Guettler)

In Drunk news. I had a few drinks last night and woke up with a kick ass headache and 2 blondes in my bed. Just kidding, I really didn't have a headache.

Stay Classy!