The Stealthy Goat Depository - You Can't Handle The Truth!

Christmas Frickin Eve Bitches!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 17:38:00 +0000

Hello ladies! It's been a while. Yes the website has been dead for a while now. I have been super busy and have not had the time to do anything on it (I'm in high demand you know). Anyway, I just stopped in to wish whoever happen to stumble onto this site a Merry Christmas.

I'm here stuck at frickin work. Yay Me! I got here at 6:00am because i had to call someone in South Africa and they are like a million hour ahead. Oh guess what. . . . they did not answer.

I know people have been trying to get a hold of me to do things for them (i.e. Fix computers, make websites, cure cancer), but I really don't have much time these days. My company just got bought by Mcafee so they got me working like a run away slave to impress the suits.

Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I'm just killing time as I fake work on the fine Christmas eve.

We had a little get together on Saturday. yeah people got shit faced. It was supposed to be just a small thing, but we have so many friends (not bragging) that it turned into a kinda big thing. Anyway, we did a little elephant gift exchange thingy that turned out pretty fun. Good finger foods and plenty of drinks. There are pictures out there, but I didn't take any.

Ok I am bored now

No such thing as "Drama Free"

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 02:59:00 +0000

Well then. Where should I begin?

Hmmmm. . . . So as you know there was a little fiesta thing pop'n off @ the Ranch last night. Not as many people showed up as we thought, but there was still a lot. More importantly, there was hella alcohol in this BeeZee. I mean HELLA! I counted at least 3 or 4 big ass jugs of vodka, a keg of Bud Lite, 4 12's of Corona, and various other hard liquor and beers. Oh yeah and the 5 gallon jungle juice cooler had a jug or two of Bacardi and vodka in it.

Ok so back to the party. I have to tell you, most of the people who came I have never even seen before in my life. A lot of the people where Tony's co-workers and their friends they brought. Which is cool, that's what it's about. As long as we are all here to have a good time, and for the most part that's what we were doing.

Now if you came to the party or you heard about what went down, then I know what you're waiting for me the write about. Well I'm not gonna . . . exactly. All I am gonna say is that some shit pop'd off that should not have. Had my old white neighbor lady coming outside. Rookie cops surveiling my house (big up to my boy Shane for being young, skinny, drunk, & white when the cops are @ the door).

You'll be proud to know that I didn't cut anybody, so that's cool. Most of the incident was a misunderstanding and or could have been handled differently. Other parts did require some sort of knife play, but que sera. Yeah so moral of the story is: There is no such thing as a drama free party.

Anywho I'm tired of writing. Here's a couple pics from the night.

Get your Drunk face Ready

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 03:54:00 +0000

Hello everybody!

I Just wanted to give a friendly reminder that it's party time this Saturday. Oh and just incase, let me drop the info for those who don't know:

Date & Time
Saturday Sept. 1st @ 9:00pm

[There was a map here, but you don't need them shits anymore....YEE!]

That's pretty much it Bitches.

Oh remember 3 very important things.

1. Bring some drinks, cuz you can never have enough!!!

2. Eat before you come, cuz we ain't feedin you drunk bitches!!!

3. I'll cut you if you fuck up my night!!!

See you there :)

End of the Summer Party!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 02:06:00 +0000

That's the business bitches! It's time for another big party @ the Goat Ranch. Act like you know cousin! September 1st is the jump off. What's the party for? . . Who gives sparkly shit, just be there.

Rumor has it, we will have plenty O' beer, music, and a big enough house for the masses. We'll have some hard and mixers, but we do advise you bring your own hard liquor. Cuz that shit goes fast like a nascar, ya unda-dig what I'm talkin bout.

Now If you don't know where the Goat Ranch is located, you bes ask-ed somebodies. Call us, txt us, email us, send a MySpace, throw up the "Bat Signal", do what ya like just be there.

September 1st, that's a Saturday. It's the first Saturday of the month. Make a calender event if you have to. Shit!

Ok now for an important message: First off I would like to say NO DRAMA! Seriously bitches! I will fucking cut you. Don't come unless you coming to party. If you come to fight, I will cut you! If you break something that I have to pay for, you will pay for it, and then I will cut you! If your fat ass runs thru my screen door, I will fucking cut you! Are we pretty much clear? Good!

Moving on, Beautiful ladies! Yeah I'm talkin to you. You are more than welcome to attend in droves! We run an equal opportunity party facility. So if you have an ugly friend, she can come (conditionally) but there will be no grenade jump'n over here playa! If she try'n ta gets lucky, she bes holla to that drunk nigga in the corner and stop look'n at me. Other than that, she will have to sit her ass in the car, or make a sandwich and park them shits on the couch, whiles you handle your business. Speaking of extracurricular activities, if there are any girls that plan on having sex or some sort of sex like act with any resident of the Goat Ranch on that night, please RSVP so we can pencil you in for a block of time. We do not want any overlap if people's feelings are gonna get hurt. . .again.

So to recap:

Sept. 1st - Goat Ranch - Beer, Music, Party - No Drama - Ugly Friends No Love - RSVP - No Worries Mate!

Sprache Yadada!

That Kanye Workout Plan

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 01:25:00 +0000

So as of late (the past month) I've been working out alot. You know, trying ta get swole for the ladies in all. I don't really got a strategy since I never took P.E. weight training, but I've never really been a sloutch, and I pretty much got it covered. I tell you this cuz I think it's a good idea for all you flabby bastards out there to try some physical exercise for a change. Lift weights, ride a bike, join a gym (and go!), walk your fat ass around the block. It's really all about your motivation to better your health and the way you look (to the ladies of course).

I don't care how much you do or how often you do it. Just do something for crying out loud. Also eating healthy is good idea as well. Now I'm not gonna preach carrot sticks and light mayonnaise to anyone. I personally never eat anything that's green if possible. Plus I happen to be blessed with a high metabolism (and rugged man-pretty looks). Ok so all I'm saying is, if not for yourself and your health. . . . Do it for all the sexy ladies out there who you could be dry hump'n on Tuesdays. Now who's coming with me?!

Oh Ladies! don't think I forgot about youz.....

I'm just say'n, just cuz you bought that Tae-Bo VHS tape don't mean Billy Blanks is coming to your house to get your fat ass off the couch. Same rules apply for those without penis's. Get on that expensive ass treadmill that's taking up the whole back room and "west side walk it out" like them young folks be say'n.

Tho I do have an alternative for some of you ladies.......Two words......Stripper Pole.

That's right young'n, go out and get yourself a stripper pole. I'm sure if you already have a man he will get you one in a heartbeat if you ask. Hell he's been waiting for this day his whole life!

Now like with most things in life you have your different options in Poles. Your Built in version, your semi-portable with stage version, and your very portable "see you at my house" version. All very good and all very true to the life style. Also if you wanna make if official for me your dude, you gotta come with the outfit. I'm talk'n shoes and. . . . . what else do stripper have on again? (I kid, I kid) But I digress. Get the shoes and lacey outfit, throw on some stripper parafanilia. Or don't... actually we really don't care. Once you got the pole we are already living the dream. None the less, you will not be sorry and neither will the lucky fella you put it on and take it off for. I don't go to the titty bars myself that much, but if I don't come out smell'n like hooker spit and cigarette butts then someone was not on their A game. Don't let that be you ladies...

Wow! What a turn of events this post has taken.. Mer ha ha ha ha (evil laugh)

MUMM's the word!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 00:11:00 +0000

It's official folks! Mrs. Suzanne Guzman has taken our very own (Tall) Paul Guzman for better or worse. It was a big day @ the Goat Ranch. Probably the biggest event we have seen so far. The event turned out to be pretty good. At times it seemed like there was no real battle plan, but when it started to roll, things went smoothly. As predicted, the actual wedding part was short and sweet. the real fun ensued when it was time to take the pictures.

There had to be more camera's here then at a Godzilla convention in the middle of Tokyo town. Nobody really knew where to look, but in the end it really didn't matter. From what I could tell the pictures came out cool. Next it was time to get out of the church clothes and get into some various eatables. The wedding was catered by Joe's Buffet, a local shop in downtown Fairfield. They had a pretty tasty spread of roast beef, pasta, salad, and some bread.

Of course after we ate some, They had the champagne toast. Broc was the best man so he gave a little speech. Let me tell you, this guy could have vibrated thru the table he was shaking so bad. I've never seem anything like it. We had to tell him to sit down after his speech, or he was gonna pass out. It was good tho. He was only nervous cuz he cares.

After the money dance, the rest of the night was pretty much the usual. One thing I forgot to mention is the amount of champagne Paul's mom bought. I think everybody was double fisting bottles that night. I think she might have been getting mad that people stopped drinking out of wine glasses. Hey!.......You buy 12 cases of Mumm's, shit's going down. There were so many hammered people off Mumm's it was ridiculous.

The party didn't last too long tho. Most people went home before 12:00 and even the loud and drunk stayed only till around 2:00am.

Anywho! The pictures are up so check those out. Other then that.........

Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Paul Guzman

Your one stop shop!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 06:06:00 +0000

Welp, I finally got some pictures up from Brocaveli's Birthday party at Pepper Belly's. So that's cool. Tom came thru with the shots, so thank him when you see him. I put like 64 of them up, even tho there was more. Whatever yo!

Brandon (you all know Brandon right?) Put a new forum up today. He's been buggin me to do one for like since I made this website. I guess he finally got tired of waitin and made his own. Check it out HERE or copy the link to your browser son. http://somethingtodo.17.forumer.com/

Oh So Paul is getting married (again) on Saturday (07/07/07 - whatever!). Expect some interesting pics from that up soon as well. Yeah this kid is getting hitched at the Goat Ranch, NO SHIT! There is a long and re-dic-u-lass story behind the whole thing, but it's all good in the end I guess. So who's comin anyway? It's gonna be like 104 on Saturday. I don't know, but I know it'll be hot as shit son. Oh my our backyard is not known for it's grassy knowls and shadey tree's. Bring your umbrella kids! All I know is that I'm suited up for like 50-60 minutes MAX! Then back to the civi's and possibly back to my room ($175 broker for a hot ass zoot suite).

The wedding starts at 6:30 prompt so be here on time. I really don't wanna wait around for you ass cousin!

Kimbo with the tap win?

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 00:51:00 +0000

Just wanted to put up the Kimbo Ray fight for anybro who hasn't seen it.

The full fight kids....all 15 minutes, and that's mostly talking.

I can't believe he won cuz ah submit! Who saw that coming? I knew he would win, but not by a choke out. Now Ray ain't no joke with the size, just he's a boxer not a street fighter (a 46 years old boxer). The 36 years old Kimbo is a beast, but I still think he'd get beat by a pro MMA fighter his size. The fight was so fast that we really didn't get to see if Kimbo would tire out, but then again who knows.

Well just watch it.....

Kimbo vs Mercer HQ & Full !!!

No news is bad news

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:50:00 +0000

So there ain't anything good happening so far. This summer better not suck ass!

Lets see, Bake moved out of the Goat Ranch (Yay more rent for me!!). We all know about crappy Paris Hilton so no need to go into that crap. If you did not see the Soprano's season finale....that sucked. I mean creative my ass! more like a fucked up choose your own adventure book. That crap had me staring at my tv like "WTF Mate!" real talk.

Anywho I'm on Goat Vacation so for now just watch thise videos that Tony and I found on the net.

HAPPY GILMORE RE-CUT

AAMERICAN PIE 2 - REDEMPTION

TASTE LIKE GRAVY

BATMAN - DEAD END

Last one.......

THE N-WORD FOR THE WHITE GUY

So uh... That's Cool

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sat, 19 May 2007 01:18:00 +0000

Here is some random filler crap for you bastards out there. Just some good old fun for the kids. I gotta lot of projects working right now, so you will have to excuse me while I say fuck off.

So Your home girl Britney, got some new hair... So uh...that's cool. She doesn't have the worst weave ever, but it's damn close. Like second place close. Welp at least she ain't bald.

Mischa Barton from THE O.C. tv show fame, slips a nip getting out of a car one fine night... So uh... that's cool. I know some kids out there like her, but she's really not my cup o tea. TAKE ME TO THE NIPS

I know you've already heard that Paris "Skank Bank" Hilton got a reduced sentence from the judge the other day. So uh... 23 out a 45 huh.... that's cool.

I wanna have relations with Lucy Liu

Oh get this crap!! Kim Kardashian might get her own reality show. Apparently she's in talks to get a show about herself and her stupid rich family. The rich keep getting richer. So uh...

So Cam'Ron and 50 Cent are beef'n yo! Check out this video of Cam talking crap about Fiddy (yeah I said it) while on vacation. What you can't wait till you get home to talk shit. Gotta send a Taliban tape!

[I HAD A VIDEO BUT IT WAS PULLED FROM THE NET]

Here are a few YouTube links from 50 and Cam:
50 Cent - Camron Diss- funeral music
Cam'ron Official 'Curtis' video (50 Cent Diss)
The Angie Martinez Show-50 Cent on the phone with Cam'ron

Did you watch the Soprano's when Tony had sex with that hot pothead chick. So uh... Her name is Sarah Shahi and if you care click HERE

This is not your mothers MMA... OR is it? ULTIMATE SURRENDER

Stealthy Goat 2.0 beta

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 15 May 2007 05:18:00 +0000

If you wondering why there hasn't been any new posts, it's because I finally decided to move over to a new blogging program. I am currently using "Blogger" owned by Google. This program is great if you are hosted on their servers. Since my blog is incorporated into my server, they don't let you reap any of the benefits they offer to their hosted blogs. Plus they don't make any plug-ins for the old blogger but they won't let me use the new blogger shit the way my site is.

I managed to find a new software that has everything I need built in or comes in a plug-ins. This one is made by "Wordpress", but it's the open source version not hosted by wordpress.com. The only problem is that I have to totally configure the bitch from scratch. Plus I had to import all my other posts over to the new blog. In simple yet painful terms let me explain how this is done.

Step 1. Upload my blog to the Google servers: so now my blog is called "thestealthygoat.blogspot.com"

Step 2. Sign up for a wordpress.com account.

Step 3. Import my blog into wordpress: so now my blog is called "thestealthygoat.wordpress.com"

Step 4. Install the wordpress.org open source software on my server

Step 5. Import my blog into wordpress on my server: so now my blog is located at "stealthygoat.com/Blog"

Now what I'm doing is fixing all the old posts and links so they still work, configuring the users on my new blog, editing the format and style so it looks good, slapping bitches, finding good plug-ins so my side bar looks and works good, and still trying to keep you kids up to date.
I personally think this new shit will work out much better. What's gonna suck is when they come out with a new version and I have to update....

Stay tuned kiddies

The many facets of Spiderman

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Thu, 03 May 2007 04:50:00 +0000

I finally get a chance to get on here and post for you kids. Once you start to play with your Wii you never wanna stop........ moving on!

While at work, a friend of mine happened upon what some may have dared call "the next coming of Christ" (not really but, you don't know!) Anywho, this revelation-ish find would change my life forever (between the hours of 7:30am to 4:30pm pst). Who knew that a simple man (with a rubber hose down his throat) could say paragraphs without saying a word. Could show such emotion, assess your vulnerability levels, and predict the weather, with just a shrug of his shoulders! Six simple pictures, one big heart.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Many Facets of Roger".

Roger has since passed on to the after-life, but he lives in our cubicles forever. If you don't know who Roger was or is, let me tell you. Try "Roger Troutman" from "Zapp & Roger" fame. Think of the hits baby! More Bounce to the Ounce, California Love, Computer Love (you can never have enough loves these days), I Wanna Be Your Man, Doo Wa Ditty. The list goes on. I of course have never heard this solo album nor do I intend to buy it, but look at the guy. I don't know why man, but I trust this guy man! He's like every instant messenger emoticon rolled into one. He reminds me of the happy face with the thick mustache. Who doesn't love the happy face with the thick mustache?! I sure as hell do.

On to other news... Spiderman 3 starts on Friday. Hopefully I will be able to get into the midnight show on Thursday to check them shits out. If you know me then you know Spidey and I go back like "Scooter Computer & Mr. Chips". I would write a review after I see it, but it will consist of "THAT SHIT WAS THE TITS SON! WORD!" and that's pretty much it.

So, why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 05:02:00 +0000

So I picked up a Nintendo Wii the other day. Well actually my boy "Shorty" hooked it up while I was at work saving the world. None the less, this bitch is Rad like Crew Jones!

I was gonna get a PS3, but That shit cost way too much right now and I already have a 360. What's cool about the Wii is the get drunk and bowl factor. That "Wii Sports" is hella fun yo! First you get to make little characters that look like your friends, and then you get to all make ass's of yourselves in front of the TV. Not to mention it's a fucking workout! Now I consider myself to be in pretty good shape (better than most of my friends) and that shit works muscles you didn't even know you had. My arm is killing me, and the first day my side was hurting like a BZ.
Yeah so... If you see one at the store, you might wanna scoops them bitches.

Can you tell me where you've seen these shoes before? That's right bitches! Them the NIKE Air McFly's son! I know you remember these joints from the "Back to the future" movie. Over on SneakerHunt.com these got leaked, and they think it may be a possible prototype of an upcoming release. Let's all prey they don't. If you know me, then you know I'm not a fan of NIKE at all, but if you wear these shoes your an asshole.

Over on SomethingAwful.com they had "Make You Own Transformer" photo Phriday. There are a few that are fucking awesome, but toward the end they get a little lazy.

Ta end this proper like, my girl Sarah shot me over this picture of the "Beer Prayer".
Read it, Save it, Love it, Live it.

I'm Goat

Gay Robot

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 23:28:00 +0000

Just incase you were wondering, I'm having some trouble getting the latest Blog page to show up my home page. It has something to do with the crappy way Blogger generates its RSS feeds. That scrolling ticker you see with new movies and crap are all done the same way, but for some piece of shit reason my RSS likes to stop working (BASTARD!!). I should have it fixed soon.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I know you've all seen the movie "Grandma's Boy". If not go out and buy the sum bitch! Anyway remember the dude who plays "Jeff" (or better yet the dude who lives with his parents and sleeps in ah onesy)? His name is Nick Swardson and he is fucking hilarious. You may have seen him in "Benchwarmers" as the dude who was afraid of sunlight, or in "Reno 911" as "Terry" the gay dude.

Well the reason I bring him up is the fact that he made this TV show pilot about a Gay Robot who lives on a college campus. The pilot is totally fake, but the show is like 15-20 minutes long. It's not new, so you may have already seen it. The only reason I bring it up is because I seen it on Myspace and I totally forgot how funny it was. Check it out.

And There You Have It

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 03:02:00 +0000

Guten Tag all!

Did you see that UFC fight? WT fucking F Mate! (I guess the "F" already stood for fuck). Anyways, why did ~~Jean Claude~~ Georges St. Pierre get beat like that by Matt Serra? I like both fighters and they are both really good MMA fighters, but I expected more from St. Pierre. I guess that is what happens in real life. It's not always a Rocky movie. Oh did you see that poor excuse for an undercard fight with those two pricks Diego Sanchez and Josh Koscheck? That fight was such the crap whole. Kos landed like 12 punches and Diego landed like -3. Finally the dance went to Koscheck by decision of course.

You wanna know who can kick all there asses?...... Joey the Karate Master. Here is a clip of him in action. Peep Game Son!

Happy Easter from the Goat!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 19:51:00 +0000

Hey Bastards! Happy Jesus come backith day or whatever easter represents.

Yeah so I went out into the world this morning to do a little money spending, and nothing is open. WTF Mate! Just cuz it's Easter don't mean I don't need shit. Hello Best Buy, Wut Up Target! Make them niggaz work.

Well everyone else have a happy Easter with your Fam, But to all the bastards who decided to close their business today, The Easter Bunny Hates You!

White Chicks & Gang Signs

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 00:37:00 +0000

I saw this video on the You Tube the other day and I thought it was pretty funny. You may have already seen it, but here it is again bitches. Also check out the website at the bottom of the video. They got some pretty cool stuff on there.

In other news, we are about to watch the UFC fight @ Paul's house. I don't even know who's fighting, but fuck it! If anything goes down I will keep you posted son.

Oh yeah. As you can see I made some changes to the site. Not completely done yet so bare with a brotha. I still have to fix the video section and then add more content and fix up the side bars.

Oh one more thing (so may things, so little time). Go check out the new GTA IV trailer on the Rockstar website. That shit is the tits son!!

Yada-di-mean

Damn You Geico!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 06:22:00 +0000

In case you haven't heard, they are making a sitcom of those funny prehistoric cavemen from the Geico commercials. Way to ruin a good thing ABC & Geico. I must say those commercials are the best. The problem I have is that there is no way this sitcom will be good.
Seriously, a fucking weekly show about cavemen. . . I can hear the canned laughter now!
NEVER GONNA LAST!

Where's Chuck Norris when You need him?

Just an update on why I hate you

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 01:44:00 +0000

So since nobody really wants to post anything anymore. I decided to reclaim my website. I'm currently redesigning the whole thing (gotta keep it ganksta homie). It should be done pretty soon. I just gotta finish all the picture and video pages. I'm also gonna be posting really short posts ta keep the site moving along.

Also I installed Microsoft Vista(Ultimate Bitch) not too long ago and it is making shit harder cuz I had to reload my who life onto the computer and then get all my driver to work again. I would go on in detail but I have a feeling most people who read this will not understand a word I say.

Fucking Cavemen!

Pss It's Me

noreply@blogger.com (A Horse Named Trigger) — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 05:18:00 +0000

What's up all?! I guess I should announce myself as "A Horse Named Trigger". So, my first blog is a review of the PS3. Let me begin with the story of buying the PS3.

I was sitting on a Saturday morning watching my new 56" HDTV (and yes, Broc, if you put both of my cars, two months of rent, and a month of gas, my TV would still cost more). Anyway, as I was watching TV, I thought to myself that I was missing something. I had the surround sound, the 360, and the cable box, but there was an empty spot. Then it came to me "I need a PS3". As I looked at my sweet Sarcastic Serpent at the computer, I knew she was not going to agree with my thinking that this was a matter of life or death. I knew this was going to take more than the regular ass kissing. The "You sure look pretty today" was out of the question. Then it came to me....."Baby, you want to go pay your engagement ring off and get that diamond wedding band you wanted?" Needless to say, five minutes later we were on our way to the mall. After getting everything she wanted, she was very happy. So I thought here's my chance. I pointed out the store in front of us. For the simple reason that I am still pissed off at this store, I'm not going to give them free advertising by mentioning their name. We'll just call this place the BEST place to BUY stuff. Anyway, after a little bit of persuasion, we headed in and started to the electronics department.

This brings me to my first top five (which I hope to bring more to you later, and encourage others to do the same). This first top five is the "Top five people that should not work in the electronics department"
5.) Anyone that responds to your questions about PS3 stuff by telling you that they don't carry feminine hygiene products.
4.) Tree hugging hippie pot smokers. NO, I don't want to buy a recyclable TV or make a donation to the green earth foundation
3.) Retards. I don't want to ask someone that can't spell their own name, or someone who is slower than me about expensive high tech equipment.
2.) People that don't speaka da English. I don't want to ask about GTA San Andreas and have them point to a map to tell me the best place to jump the border in Texas.
1.) And........the number one group of people that should not work in the electronics department is WOMEN. Yes, you are cute, and that you want to be one of the fellas, and I got nothing but love for you all, but I'll let you in on a little secret- Your NOT, so stay the fuck out the electronic department, and especially don't work in one!

Now that that rant is out of the way............

So we get to the electronics department, and there, my #1, yes, a WOMAN working............We walk up to this cute little pigtail woman, talking and giggling on her headset. We ask her if they have any PS3's in, and she says "hold on" she'll check, as she runs off giggling. Mind you, we are standing in front of a locked cage with three PS3's in it. Twenty minutes later, she returns and giggles "It was right in front of us the whole time". NO SHIT SHERLOCK. So, I go on against my better judgment, and ask her a few questions about the PS3. She begins to read the box and answer my questions. Because you must be wearing a blue shirt with a yellow tag in order to read from a box you see. I asked her the difference between the 20 gig and the 60 gig. She looks at me, smiles, and says "the price". Thanks, Bitch, that helps. I can see the smoke coming out of her ears, so I ask my final question. Now this is important, does it have HD wires, or do I have to buy them separately. She answers me very positively "Yes, it comes with the HD wires", as if I was stupid. So, thinking I had just saved some money by the cable being included, we bought another controller, two games, a special fan to keep it cool, and a small midget to hold it (was going to ask Tony if he was up to it, but that bitch wanted too much money). In all, we spent about a billion dollars. Finally, we leave the store (I'm skipping and smiling like a schoolgirl) with the PS3.

We get home, I put on my house clothes and slippers. I roll a fatty, and grab an ice cold beer ready for my intimate moment alone to open my PS3. As I open the box, a heavenly beam of light shot out, and a small chorus is heard in the background. I bow and pay my respects, and unpack. I look through the box, then on the box, and back in it again, and then exclaim "What the FUCK?!" Can you guess what was missing? You got it, no HD wires, turns out, there are NONE that come with the PS3. Once again, thanks bitch for all the fucking help! Now I gotta get dressed and go back out again. Well, that's my story. Thanks for letting me rant and rave. This is your Friendly Jack Ass saying Ta Ta for now...

P.S. Oh yeah, this was supposed to be a PS3 review, wasn't it? It's REALLY, REALLY cool!

WTF Mate!

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 04:15:00 +0000

So once again your friendly neighborhood Goat has to come to the rescue with a fucking post for the Stealthy Goat. Granted it is my website, but you would think somethings going on in the world that my 5 other compadres would like to share. Well kiddies . . Step into my office .. . YOUR FUCKING FIRED!!!

Nah, I don't pay them anyway. Ha ha Fuckers, whiles I sit back and make millions. . . .

Ok so here is a few videos that are pretty funny.

And this one

On a totally different subject . .

Just when you thought that's all I have for you. It's once again time for the world famous (well not really) Celebrity Boob of the ~~Week~~ ~~Month~~ Whenever.

Anne Hathaway

While You all might know her from movies like "Ella Enchanted" or "Princess Diaries" or "Devils Wears Prada", But I know her from the movie "Havoc" were shit goes down (and comes off baby).

Ok that's it for now.

Lisa Lisa & the Party Bus

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 05:32:00 +0000

For those of you not in the know, it was little Lisa's 21st Birthday This past week. So to kick it off proper like, she got herself a Party Bus and went to the club. I being your faithful report had to go to ah. . make sure shit when down official!

So we all met at Biv and Karina's house in the V-a-l-l-e-j-o for a little pre pre drinking to get us warmed up for the bus (which would get us warmed up for the club). So the bus itself was charging ~~$45~~ $50 ducks a pop just ta get a seat so I hope you brought your wallet bitches! After everyone gathered up and the bus arrived, we proceeded to gitty-up to the "Glas Kat Supper Club". I'm pretty sure that's were we went. You see the problem was, the bus had the lights on inside. So once we got on, we didn't see shit outside till we landed. The Bus itself had free beer and some hard, so that was cool since the club drinks were crazy alot.

So now we're at the club, crazy deep. I mean everybody she knew came to this bitch (the Verizon fucking network was there). Seriously even her Mom and Dad came with. Which was cool cuz Momma Kath is down, and Sam is all kinds a Mexican fun. He even rolled with some of his crew. The club itself was pretty nice. As soon as you walk-in there was a bar and a smoking room (it even came with a girl giving away free KOOL's). Fucking Death Dealer!!!

Not to long after we arrived, the club started to get packed. Biv and Tone decided we needed a VIP booth. $200 dollars later we were knee deep in Grey Goose and had our own section at the club. Right on the dance floor I might add.

There's really not a lot more to tell about the club, mostly cuz I don't remember. Well let me sum it up for you:

Bus was expensive - Bus was fun
Club drinks were expensive - Already drunk anyway
Booth was expensive, Booth was clutch
Club was packed - Not enough talent for a show, but enough to go around
Bo almost fought - Dre ~~almost~~ fell on his ass!
Ride home was a blur - Pizza and soda, Kath called the dinosaurs

Welp that pretty much wraps up the night. I'm pretty sure everyone has their own little stories, but tell them on your own website!! New pics in the photo gallery, please take what you want for your Myspace.

(This is why I'm Hott!!)

Everyone LOVES it!

noreply@blogger.com (Sarcastic Serpent) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 08:23:00 +0000

Whilst surfing the grand ole internet today, I came across this lovely little song which pays homage to a dear friend of mine. I hope you enjoy. And remember........it's fun for a girl OR a boy :)

You know I really wish I had more to say here on my first post, but I have come to the sad realization that I have no life lately. This being the truth, it will take me a while to find something interesting to say. Until then, take care all, and try not to get the jingle stuck in your heads.............

Tahoe Trip 2007

noreply@blogger.com (Lazy Llama) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 03:01:00 +0000

I know, I know...I've been laggin' on doing the Tahoe post! I was waiting until I got some pictures to post along with it, but I guess I'll just tell the scoop, and post pics later.

Started off Friday night with a little buffet action in Harrah's. Now I'm not big on buffets (contrary to what mister Turner might say) but this one was mighty good! It had everything. Sushi, spaghetti, prime rib...whatever, you get the picture..there was alot of fucking food! So after I violated everything my doctor told me not to eat, we proceeded to drink everything in Tahoe. I stuck to the Crown on the rocks, but there was plenty of beer, Patron and other spirits floating around. Played a little poker, craps and blackjack, but ultimately ended up in the club. This my friends, could not have been a bigger mistake. While we were 15 deep, so gonna have good times regardless, the platypus options were not there! So we all proceeded to get extra hammered, while Biv and Brandon got their poker on! When I say got their poker on, I of course mean losing big $$. We ended the night at about 3am and headed to the cabin for a bit of sleep....or so we thought. Sleep is overrated anyway. Why sleep when you can get up at 6:30 in the morning and start drinking. Fuck it!!!

Headed to the casino at about 1 pm Saturday, and I proceeded to dominate the poker world of Tahoe, by winning a no-limit tourney. That's right Brandon, I fucking won. Check the tournament records baby!! Who's the big winner....Tony's the big fuckin winner!!! Later in the evening we all headed to club VEX, and proceeded to blow about $1500 on VIP status and drinks. I of course felt like shit, so headed home early, but I understand that fun was to be had. Between the Patron shots and the strippers, and my boy Pick passing out in the B of A parking lot 2 miles from the cabin, I think they had a good fucking time!! They all rolled in at about 4am, and passed the fuck out.

I know that this is has been a really quick and uneventful post, but I promise I'll get the pics out asap. Until I do that...what what...in the butt! Llama, out!

What What (In the Butt)

noreply@blogger.com (Hey Goat) — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 02:22:00 +0000

Before Llama sneaks in the latest "Tahoe Trip" review, I wanted to post a quick somethin somethin.

I know by now everyone has seen bald ass Britney Spears, but once is not enough. A lot of questions have been raised about why she shaved her head. If you wanted to know the truth, all you need to do was come to the Goat. Britney has been thru some tough times. First Justin and her broke up (tears), then She got married for all of 60 seconds or something like that to that one guy, then she got married again to K-Fed, and then they got divorced. Not only is Kevi Kev giving her a hard time, but did you see the shots of her battered and bruised platypus? Think about it. She went from the great Britney "Im a hot ass virgin" Spears, to Hollywood train wreck. Of course the new dew it's a shocker at first. But look at Natalie Portman or Sigourney Weaver. Sure they did it for movie roles and not cuz they just got out of rehab, but no ones offering Britney anymore movies since she shitted on the last one. long story short, I'd still give it to her. She's fucking Britney Spears!

On to the next piece of news or should I say whole damn pie. Those crazy cats from the show Reno 911 are coming out with a movie. Check out the trailer, fucking hilarious. What's not hilarous is Niecy Nash's ass! HOLLY CRAP. Here is a picture from the "Reno 911 Miami" LA premiere.

Now being black myself, I'm pretty familiar with big assed women (Not big women persay, but women with large hindquarters). But this shit is not necessary.

Moving on. . . I found this picture over on the interweb and thought everyone needed to see it. Before you say it's a fake, click on the picture to get a closer shot. I am probably one of the few people out their who don't like Beyonce. Don't get me wrong I'd still give it to her (and she'd like it), but she just gets on my last nerves. All that money and she can't get a good weave and a wax. Come on now. Her mustache is bigger then Jay-Z's.

So by know your probably wondering why the title of this post is what it is. Well this is why:

(note: if you watch this video and don't laugh, God hates you)